SHU

Back when I changed my life around, I moved out of my condo & in with a guy I knew from my old gym. It was strictly platonic. He knew I was not in a good place & offered for me to move in & share his house with him. Ok, seems like a nice enough guy, I said yes. I lasted 2 months, to the day. Between coming home & finding him drunk & blubbering to his psycho pink haired girlfriend who tried to start trouble, it was a lot more than I could handle. Living there forced me to find my current apartment.

I live at Wits End. Literally, can't make this shit up. When I was turning my utilities on, I'd give my address & there would always be a hesitation. Then I would say "that's really my street name" & the person would laugh. Because it's funny, really funny. Jay & I were joking around talking about where I live & we've coined it the SHU Now, if you watch any of the TV shows about being incarcerated, they always show you the inmates who live in the Special Housing Unit or SHU. The SHU buildings tend to have names. My building has a name. I live in the Stockholm House. All the buildings are named for NJ towns. So I now live in the SHU at Wits End.

At the SHU, there are some "fun" characters. There is the "thug" who walks everywhere. My neighbors Jen & Buzz do not find his musical choices appropriate. See the "thug" listens to some racially explicit music & feels the need to sing (out loud) & get down as he's walking. I had to point out that he never seems to have headphones in as he's walking & singing. The "thug" has a kind heart though. One of the girls that also lives in the SHU was playing in the pool one day, fully clothed. She doesn't know how to swim & "thug" offered to teach her. He kept telling her to "surface your legs, you gotta surface your legs, that's how you swim, you surface your legs". I'm thankful there is a lifeguard on duty.

Another fun guy is my neighbor. His name in John but I affectionately refer to him as the conspiracy theorist. He believes the FBI is out to get him. My other neighbor, Linda, said John is harmless, she lets him in to use her phone all the time. She said he served time in federal prison 20 years ago but he's harmless. Yeah, um aren't all people who serve federal prison time harmless? He would frequently go to my other neighbors slider, a young couple with a baby, & constantly ask to use their phone or phone chargers. They finally had to tell him to stop. He's asked for my neighbor Jen to toss him a couple of beers, he's asked both Jay & I for cigarettes. He even asked if he could come up & use my phone. I told him no, I was down walking Hailey because Jay & I were going out. I told him he could use my cell to make a call then. He's a big drinker. Borrows money from who ever he can. Hitch hikes to get around. I don't make eye contact with him. He freaks me out. He sits in the dark on his deck & smokes. When I walk Hailey at night I usually know he is there because I can smell the smoke. When we come back all I ever see is the red embers of the lit cigarette in the dark. Freaky. Total Alfred Hitchcock/Rear Window. I'm hoping to get a picture of him but it's going to have to be done extremely covertly. I don't want to do anything to set him off, you know?

Then there is "baby momma". I'm taking name suggestions for her. She's very bitter & gross, has the worst tattoos all over. I guess her baby daddy left her just before she gave birth. She doesn't hang around the best citizens, her one friend is a junkie. Nice to bring that around a baby. Baby Momma got in my face one day. This is how it went down:

Scene: Baby Momma putting her baby in her car, me walking Hailey

BM: Um, do you think you could pick up your dog poop & stop leaving it under my stairs? Also, stop throwing garbage on my porch It's gross & I have a baby.

Me: The next time you decide to accuse someone of something you better get your facts straight. I pick up after my dog (waving blue poo bags at her) and I don't know who is throwing garbage on your deck.

BM: (Getting a little nicer) Well it's gross & unsanitary.

Me: Call management to handle it, her name is Patty.

BM: It's gross & smells & I don't appreciate it.

Me: Call management, her name is Patty. Do you really want to have altercations with the people you have to share space with? Just call management.

End Scene.

I do have a picture of her. Her outfit that day was more loose than normal. She isn't a small girl & doesn't really dress appropriately. It's hard not to gasp sometimes. Again, remember I'm taking name suggestions for her!!!! The winner gets to come by & meet all the neighbors in person!!!

Welcome to the SHU at Wits End!! Feel free to stop by anytime!!!

Elizabeth