Friday, August 27, 2010

Character Introduction!!!

So I'd like to introduce someone to you. Someone who caused me much pain & suffering, but now it's pretty funny. I would like to you all to meet my EX Mother-in-law, the Succubus. Yes, I know what a Succubus is, but that name was the MOST affectionate name I could give her. I've been calling her that so long now it makes some people giggle when I mention her. Hell, I giggle when I say it. I'm pretty sure I started calling her that because all I ever heard was: "Don't pick on my baby boy", "My baby boy "this" & My baby boy "that" blah blah blah , dry heave, gag. Give me a break already.

I happened to be watching the TV show "Everybody Loves Raymond" & every single time I watch it, Marie, Ray's mother reminds me of the Succubus. Not visually, but her personality, her antics, the way she speaks to people. It makes me laugh but also gives me anxiety. Weird, I know. But that's how the Succubus is & will always be. Eleven years I tolerated that woman. It took me a long time to learn to stand up for myself & I never had the chance to stand up to her. I should have realized what was to come on Mother's Day in 2001. Yeah, I'm still holding a grudge. This is near the beginning of when I was starting to learn just how effed up these people are.

Let me set the scene for you: The Succubus had mentioned how she always wanted a Movado watch. The one with the leather band, with the diamond at the top. I wasn't familiar with fancy named things, life where I grew up wasn't like that. Anyway, she mentioned that to me & I filed it away. At my old job, my boss had a client who had given him tickets for a jeweler's show which allowed those who attended to get expensive watches at an extreme discount. It was just before Mother's Day & I had an idea. How about the Ex, The Step-Father, Grimace (her explanation will come at a later time) & I chip in together & get the Succubus the Movado watch she's always wanted. I was being the kind & thoughtful person I always am. Anyway, they all agreed & the Ex & I went to the jeweler's show. I was pretty excited over my thoughtful gift. Let's skip ahead to Mother's Day.

As she's opening her gifts, because it was always ALL about the gifts, she getting ready to open the joint one. I'm excited because I know she's about to open something she's always wanted but never thought she'd have. Here we go!! She's about to open it!!!!

Succubus: Movado, what??? (opening box). You guys got me a Movado watch!!! Wow, but oh, I really wanted one with the diamond at the top.
Me: (trying not to sound dejected & devastated) Movado has never made a watch with a diamond at the top, it's always been a silver dot.
Succubus: Well, I guess this is ok.

The ignorant bitch that she is didn't even know how the watches have ALWAYS been made. I asked the girl at the Movado counter about the "one with the diamond" & she set me straight which how I was able to explain it to the Succubus. Instead of responding in the polite manner I did I should have said: "You ungrateful, unappreciative ignorant c u next Tuesday (spell it out people). You didn't even know what you were asking for, you just cared about a name. You're lucky anyone even considers anything you want, bitch". But I didn't.

Eleven years of shit like that. Her extreme passive aggressiveness, talking about people behind their backs, being nice to their faces. It got to a point where she stopped really speaking to me. It's pretty funny & petty. Like to hear it?? Here it goes....

The Succubus' birthday is in October. We had planned, as a family to take her to dinner & celebrate, with presents, because it's always about the presents. Well, I went & bought her a lovely pair of earrings to match a bracelet she had & a Wizard of Oz figurine. The Ex didn't do it, I did it. He did call her to wish her a Happy Birthday, which, I thought when you're married situations like that one spouse = both. I mean, he never specifically called MY mother. Anyway, we had dinner, cake & presents, don't forget the presents & to me I assumed everything was splendid. Apparently it wasn't, for 6 months it wasn't. Who knew??? See, I didn't get a birthday card from her 6 months later, my birthday is in April. It took until May when the Ex called her to find out why I never got a birthday card. Guess why? Because I didn't call her & wish her a Happy Birthday direct from me to her on her birthday. I swear to God THAT is the absolute truth. Those were the words she spoke to the Ex. It made me laugh, a grown, 55 year old woman behaving like a child.

So, if any of you have ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond, you know who Marie is & I swear who ever developed her character must have know the Succubus.

Enjoy, I know I do!!!

Elizabeth

No comments:

Post a Comment