FML

I can't stop crying lately. Yesterday morning, while I was driving, yesterday afternoon. I can't stop. Hell, I was watching the movie Elf 2 weeks ago & that made me cry. As I write this I am waiting for the state to call me to discuss my unemployment amount. They are already 11 minutes late.....

I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping at night. Then when it's time to get out of bed, I can't even muster the energy to do that. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, nothing. If you invite me to do something & I say no, don't take it personal because it's not.

See, I still haven't found a job. It's not because I don't look. I don't quite know if it's the economy, my skills/experience or a little of both. I'm so behind on all of my bills & my rent is late to the point where I am going to incur a late fee of $50. I constantly worry all the time about what phone calls I will be getting telling me I owe. It isn't as if I didn't proactively call to work something out. See, because I make some effort, even though the effort is very small, it means I am current & until I get to the point of being shut off, I can't work out a payment plan. How odd is that??

I actually went on the NJ website to see if I qualified for food stamps. Hell, I've been paying taxes forever, in theory, these public assistance programs should be for people who are in my position temporarily but they aren't. I don't qualify for food stamps. The money I make collecting unemployment doesn't cover any of my expenses fully but yet I don't qualify. They way I understand it, $435 a week is too much money to qualify for anything.....wait....I do qualify for one thing. Medicaid, but in order to even get that, I need to have some sort of brain injury.

Now, before job suggestions come in please note that I am signed up with 2 temp agencies, I've posted my resume on careerbuilder.com, northjerseyhelpwanted.com, indeed.com, usajob.com and I also check the NJ Department of Labor website & craigslist.com for jobs. Someone on careerbuilder.com saw my resume & called me for a managerial position. I drove 45 minutes one way for a 20 minute group presentation about a sales job. What a waste. I asked several times on the phone if it was a sales job & couldn't get a straight answer. I'm just very dejected.

With Christmas 22 days away....well....I don't want to participate. I don't have the means to buy presents or even buy items to make presents. I don't want to go to someones house & they have a small gift for me, when I have nothing. I'd rather not go at all. It's not personal to the people, I just feel like if I'm gonna be sad & depressed I'd rather be alone instead of having to fake it.

I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of people telling me it's going to work out, something better will come along, everything for a reason....I get that it will but that doesn't help me right now,at this moment. It doesn't make my bills current, it doesn't pay my rent, it doesn't get me healthy, non processed food groceries. It makes me angry that, in reality, I am a productive member of society & the only thing in place to help me is unemployment.....that's it. What is wrong with that?

Oh & the state still hasn't called.....they are 18 minutes late....

Unemployment

Being unemployed sucks ball sacks, big time. Granted, I had wished that I had the kind of life where I read blogs & craft regularly.....well wishes do come true!!!

Anyway, I've been in a funk, worried about my income & surviving. Yes, I'm collecting unemployment but it isn't as much as my income was. So far things have been working out, but don't they always??

I worked on my resume & thought it was pretty good. I sent it out for some opinions & got some back. Well, I learned of the career centers that the local unemployment offices in NJ have. I met with the NICEST & most HELPFUL woman yesterday. Her name is Dianne & she is just wonderful!!! I sat with her for an hour, going over my resume. She gave me helpful tips & changes to make. Things on how to make my resume stand out compared to others, to make it "pop" as she said. I left the career center feeling good about my self, validated. She gave me a contact at a temp agency as well, someone who has done very well by her.

Next week, I will be taking advantage of a PROS class. There is also a career fair in October I will be going to. Plus, the career center also offers computer classes on refreshing, updating or just plain on gaining skills. Know what this all costs? NOTHING!!!!! It's all FREE!!!!! Can you believe that? I don't know if other states offer services like this, but NJ does. I'm very happy. People who want to help me get a job!!! YIPEEEEE!!!!!

So while we all complain about the things we dislike in the states we live in, I am thankful I found out how great the career centers are. If I wasn't laid off I may never have found them.

I e-mailed Dianne my resume after I worked on it for a few hours today, it did take me some time to rework it. It's also very difficult to talk about yourself & all the great things you have to offer. I had to look for a lot of the "right" words today. I also thanked Dianne for her help & how I feel so much better. Her response was: Thanks, but that's what we do here. People, who work for the State of NJ actually modest AND willing to help others.

Also, for those of you who are employed or unemployed voluntarily, you can take advantage of the career center's services. They are not just for people who are collecting unemployment. Isn't that something!!!!! Where ever you live, be sure to check out your local career centers. You'd be surprised to find out how any resources there are out there!!!!

Today, I'm proud to be an Honorary Jersey Girl!!!

Thanks for stopping by!!

Elizabeth