Pocahontas

OK, so here is another story from my life. It's also a very good lesson why sometimes hard liquor can be a bad deal. This was a story I shared with Jay just the other day. We had a good laugh over it.

Let's go back to about 2004, the very beginning. Grimace finally had a boyfriend. Wait a second, I've never explained who Grimace is. Let me digress....

Grimace is the MOST affectionate name I have for my ex sister-in-law. Pretty much she physically looks like Grimace except she isn't purple & has long hair. Sure, some of you might consider that a very mean name to call her. But if you knew her & how awful & manipulative she is, how she lies constantly, well, then you'd think I was being too nice.

Anyway, Grimace was happy she finally had a boyfriend. Now, she didn't get this boyfriend like most people get boyfriends. I'm about to out her on the internet. I'm pretty sure she doesn't read what I write. Honestly, her reading skills are fairly low & I'm being honest. Let me digress again for another moment.....

Conversation between the Succubus, Grimace & I:

Succubus: How do you spell morphine?
Me: M-O-R-P-H-I-N-E
Grimace: You knew how to spell that?
Succubus: Yeah, she went to college.

That, my friends, is a TRUE STORY!!!!

Back to my story....

Grimace had a boyfriend, who became her husband, then ultimately, her ex husband . I actually liked the guy & don't have anything bad to say about him. He was pretty much in the same situation as I was for some time.

See before Grimace & her man "Harry" were an item, they were just friends. Grimace pretended to be another mutual girl friend, "Sheila", of theirs on AOL's instant messenger. So when "Harry" was chatting with "Sheila", it really wasn't "Sheila", it was Grimace. Well, as time passed, "Harry" & Grimace were hanging out. "Harry" told Grimace he was in love with "Sheila" & was going to propose. Grimace had to come clean & when she did, "Harry" told her she was to big to love. She was devastated & I had to listen to her blubber & cry & watch her drool, yes, she drools everywhere when she's a super hot mess.

Somwhere in all this "Harry" decided he did care for Grimace & they dated for a month before they got engaged. I was bent somewhat because I moved here to be with the ex, paid my dues tenfold & I had nothing to show for it, but whatevs....

There was going to be a double celebration, one for the stepfather's 25 years with a vounteer fire department & Grimace & "Harry's" engagement. The party was going to be at the Brownstone, in Paterson, NJ....you know the one, the Manzo's own it as in Real Housewives of NJ. Side note: those people have a lovely extablishment, excellent food & service. I have nothing but good things to say about it.

Don't forget I'm bent. We get there & I knew there was no way I'm going to be able to handle this shindig sober so in the first hour I had 2 glasses of champagne & 5 gin & tonics. No peeps, that is not a typo. When Grimace got there, she was showing off her ring & the ex, the tactful feller he is said "Don't think I'm buying you anything that big". Awesome. I wanted to crawl under the table & die. After the cocktail hour, we went upstairs for dinner, don't forget I'm bent & drunk. I barely ate any dinner.

Here I am, sitting alone at the dinner table, all the rest of the couples were slow dancing & the ex was at the bar doing shots. Great. I don't know which of us is the loser: me being drunk & alone at the table or him for ditching me for his friends. Mind you, I'm still walking to the bar & getting gin & tonics in between all this.

Next thing you know, the DJ is handing out props. He's handing out hats that would resemble the Village People. What did I get?? A big ole feather head dress. That's is right peeps!! I know there is photo documentation of me also, but I do not have any of those pictures in my possesion, otherwise I'd share them. You know I wore that thing for like 3 hours. I refused to take it off, drinking my gin & tonics, going to the bar & telling them "I'm Pocahontas". I pretty much kept telling everyone that. Unh huh, yeah. Not exactly one of my finer moments.

In my defense, any one of you would have consumed alcohol like that under the circumstances. Well, I pretty much had to drink to be around most of that family. There were 4 exceptions to that & they will always remain exceptions. Hell, I think even they drink to be around that part of the family!!!!

I look back now & can laugh about a lot of the crap that went on. Hopefully, you all got a good laugh too!!!

:->