Time.....

It's been a while.  A very long while.  I've been taking some time for me.  I know that sounds weird, but it's the truth.  I was lost for a while.  I'm not quite sure how long, but I was lost.  I apparently allowed myself to fall back into some old habits.  I started repeating behaviors or maybe I never stopped.  I don't know.  In any event....

I'm still an exile in NJ.  I think I am meant to be here though.  I have had so much personal growth here.  Sure, I still struggle....mostly with finances, but who doesn't?  I have been unsuccessful at finding a part time job or a sugar daddy (slightly kidding!).  But I'm so effing happy, it isn't funny.

Work is AWESOME!!!!!.  I'm one lucky gal who stepped in it when I found this job.  Every day I'm told I'm appreciated, someone's favorite, thanked for all that I do & doted on.  By men in uniform.  They make being single (yes, I'm still single, more to come...) fun.  They have become unlikely friends, who give me advice on men.  They have set the standard on how I deserve & expect to be treated by a man.  It's like a dream come true.  I love me some men in uniform.  This is where I was meant to be.

As I mentioned, I'm still single.  This trying to date has been fun? trying? an adventure?  I'm not sure what to call it.  Once, just once, it was enough to curse me, that my wonderful friend Amy said I had a freak magnet in my pocket.  And I attract freaks.  A lot of them.  It does make for some good stories though.  I have to laugh.  I do laugh, a lot.  I have learned a lot about myself.  I know what I what (a man with an accent is fun) & what I don't want (selfish, insecure bastards).   All the things people would say to me: You're beautiful, attractive, have a lot to offer......I am now starting to finally see all of that within myself.  I confidence & esteem are through the roof.  My life is amazing!

I mean it, my life is amazing.  I'm not saying it to say it or to cover up for how I'm really feeling.  I've never been happier in my whole entire life.  Other than having more money, but everyone would like that, there is not one single thing I would change at this point & time.  Why?  Let's recap: I'm single, have a great job,  good friends, Soldiers dote on me & make me feel special & I have a lot of "dating" options.   What is there to hate other than the bright, dazzling smile I wear every day & the pure happiness that radiates from me?

And with that, look forward to some of my fun (read: weird) dating stories!!

e -

Job-less, still?

Most of you know I was laid off at the beginning of August. As of today, I'm still unemployed. It isn't as if I haven't looked or applied for anything. I'm even signed up with two temp agencies. Nothing. I don't have any skills that I can fall back on temporarily either like a hair dresser or nail tech. I either don't hear back after I've sent my resume or the job is some sort of scam. That's right, scams. It's becoming very frustrating & dejecting. The last interview I had was for a place that, when they called me, told me they were interested in me for a management position. When I drove 45 minutes for a 20 minute group presentation on becoming a sales person for this company, I knew it wasn't really to start out in management. What a waste of my time & gas. There questionnaire they had us filled out asked why they should hire me. I answered "you probably shouldn't hire me if the position is a sales position as I am not a sales person". Yes, I answered that. If I was good at sales, I'd be a lot better at selling Mary Kay and not blogging about this particular topic.

Maybe part of the problem is I just don't know what I want to do. That's right. I don't know what I want to do. I know, I've been out of college 10 years. Sure, I've worked as an admin assistant for 10 years. Yes, I'm great at what I do. That's not conceit, it's confidence. I look good on paper, my resume shows it & I'm even better in person.

I have a great personality. I'm extremely well rounded & adaptable. I'm smart & funny. I have great speaking skills & have tons of common sense. I can multi-task well & I have excellent communication skills. I have charm & I have grace. I'm one of those people who has all the extras you look for in an employee. It shows in my experience when you read my resume & it shows when you talk with me in person. I am a good & diligent worker who shows up every day & on time.

So what's the problem? Who wouldn't want me. I'd want me. But here is where I am at.....

I don't want to be an administrative assistant. It's just something I know I can do and I can do it very well. The problem is I don't know what I want to do. I've been trying to figure out what type of job would make me happy. I'm not quite sure. Yes, I do joke about acting, particularly in Lifetime movies, but that's not going to happen. I do know I want to do something fun & that will be enjoyable. I was given advice by someone I worked with that his most wealthy clients started their own businesses when they were at rock bottom. I'm not quite sure I'm at rock bottom & I've been racking my brain to figure out what I love & what I can do to employ myself.

A little while ago, my friend Amy posted a new entry in her blog, Byline to Finish Line. Amy is a wonderful writer who blogs about her journey as a triathlete. Her writing is amazing in the fact that you don't need to be a triathlete to relate. There is something for everyone. Anyone can identify with what she writes and to me, that is what makes her writing amazing!! If you couldn't tell, I admire her a lot & think she makes a great role model for women. You should check out her blog.

Her most recent post Taking, and creating, chances is about that. As she re-posted something a friend of hers had posted on Facebook: Is life about taking chances or finding chances to take, it got me thinking.....

I need to continue to figure out what it is that I want to do. A lot of us do jobs we aren't 100% happy with. It wasn't that I hated my job, because I didn't. I wasn't completely fulfilled. Then I was laid off which was a major shock & has left me slightly devastated. My choices are to continue to seek out a job that I know I ca do but won't leave me fulfilled or I can take the chance & figure out exactly what I want to do and will be 100% happy doing. I know that with the qualities I listed about myself & the fact that I have some other abilities, there is something in all that for me. I just have to figure it out. I have to figure out how to put aside the fears I have & the answer will come to me & it will then be my time to take & create some chances.

:)