SHU

Back when I changed my life around, I moved out of my condo & in with a guy I knew from my old gym. It was strictly platonic. He knew I was not in a good place & offered for me to move in & share his house with him. Ok, seems like a nice enough guy, I said yes. I lasted 2 months, to the day. Between coming home & finding him drunk & blubbering to his psycho pink haired girlfriend who tried to start trouble, it was a lot more than I could handle. Living there forced me to find my current apartment.

I live at Wits End. Literally, can't make this shit up. When I was turning my utilities on, I'd give my address & there would always be a hesitation. Then I would say "that's really my street name" & the person would laugh. Because it's funny, really funny. Jay & I were joking around talking about where I live & we've coined it the SHU Now, if you watch any of the TV shows about being incarcerated, they always show you the inmates who live in the Special Housing Unit or SHU. The SHU buildings tend to have names. My building has a name. I live in the Stockholm House. All the buildings are named for NJ towns. So I now live in the SHU at Wits End.

At the SHU, there are some "fun" characters. There is the "thug" who walks everywhere. My neighbors Jen & Buzz do not find his musical choices appropriate. See the "thug" listens to some racially explicit music & feels the need to sing (out loud) & get down as he's walking. I had to point out that he never seems to have headphones in as he's walking & singing. The "thug" has a kind heart though. One of the girls that also lives in the SHU was playing in the pool one day, fully clothed. She doesn't know how to swim & "thug" offered to teach her. He kept telling her to "surface your legs, you gotta surface your legs, that's how you swim, you surface your legs". I'm thankful there is a lifeguard on duty.

Another fun guy is my neighbor. His name in John but I affectionately refer to him as the conspiracy theorist. He believes the FBI is out to get him. My other neighbor, Linda, said John is harmless, she lets him in to use her phone all the time. She said he served time in federal prison 20 years ago but he's harmless. Yeah, um aren't all people who serve federal prison time harmless? He would frequently go to my other neighbors slider, a young couple with a baby, & constantly ask to use their phone or phone chargers. They finally had to tell him to stop. He's asked for my neighbor Jen to toss him a couple of beers, he's asked both Jay & I for cigarettes. He even asked if he could come up & use my phone. I told him no, I was down walking Hailey because Jay & I were going out. I told him he could use my cell to make a call then. He's a big drinker. Borrows money from who ever he can. Hitch hikes to get around. I don't make eye contact with him. He freaks me out. He sits in the dark on his deck & smokes. When I walk Hailey at night I usually know he is there because I can smell the smoke. When we come back all I ever see is the red embers of the lit cigarette in the dark. Freaky. Total Alfred Hitchcock/Rear Window. I'm hoping to get a picture of him but it's going to have to be done extremely covertly. I don't want to do anything to set him off, you know?

Then there is "baby momma". I'm taking name suggestions for her. She's very bitter & gross, has the worst tattoos all over. I guess her baby daddy left her just before she gave birth. She doesn't hang around the best citizens, her one friend is a junkie. Nice to bring that around a baby. Baby Momma got in my face one day. This is how it went down:

Scene: Baby Momma putting her baby in her car, me walking Hailey

BM: Um, do you think you could pick up your dog poop & stop leaving it under my stairs? Also, stop throwing garbage on my porch It's gross & I have a baby.

Me: The next time you decide to accuse someone of something you better get your facts straight. I pick up after my dog (waving blue poo bags at her) and I don't know who is throwing garbage on your deck.

BM: (Getting a little nicer) Well it's gross & unsanitary.

Me: Call management to handle it, her name is Patty.

BM: It's gross & smells & I don't appreciate it.

Me: Call management, her name is Patty. Do you really want to have altercations with the people you have to share space with? Just call management.

End Scene.

I do have a picture of her. Her outfit that day was more loose than normal. She isn't a small girl & doesn't really dress appropriately. It's hard not to gasp sometimes. Again, remember I'm taking name suggestions for her!!!! The winner gets to come by & meet all the neighbors in person!!!

Welcome to the SHU at Wits End!! Feel free to stop by anytime!!!

Elizabeth

Around The Way Girl

Anyone who knows me or who has known me for sometime knows that LL Cool J & I have been dating. He just doesn't know it, well he didn't know it, but he does now.

I had an opportunity in May to go have him sign his new book, that has lots of pictures of him, demonstrating different exercises. The book signing was about a hour away & a must do. I bought my book & waited for his arrival. Elysia, my friend who went with me told me I had to tell him about us dating. We were laughing over it. I had so much nervous anticipation. When he arrived it was crazy. They started lining us up. When it was my turn this is how it went down:

LL: Hello, thanks for coming (Shaking my hand)

Me: Congrat's on the book, I have something to tell you.

LL: OK (licked his lips)

Me: It's been a "joke" with my friends that we've been dating for the last oh 20 years you just haven't know about it. Hi, it's nice to meet you & finally get together.

LL: (chuckle) Really, yes it is nice to meet you too.

Me: Maybe in another 20 years we can do this again....

LL: It's on!

He shook my hand 3 times & had his left hand on my back pretty much indicating he wanted me. Athough he is smiling, his sunglasses are hiding his sadness. I had to tell him while I was very flattered, he needed to understand that what we have would remain a fanatsy. I told him I love my boyfriend Jay very much & would never do anything to hurt him. I explained to LL this was a once in a lifetime chance & I had to let him know. Who knew he would be so charmed by my beauty & boldness. I know he's still sad today. I would be sad if I couldn't have me either.

I will always have fond memories of our brief relationship.

Elizabeth

'Sup Mofos??

Hello!! This would be my first post in my new blog!! Most (all 15 of you) read my other blog: Grazing Through Life One Day At A Time. That really only pertains to my journey on a healthy lifestyle. I do my best to mostly keep it on topic: exercise, eating right and ALL the factors that come along with it. I needed another "space" to put all the funny/sad/bad/anythinginbetween things down that have happened and that are happening in my life. It's too funny not to share.

So here we go......

I'm now an honorary Jersey Girl. I decided that because I have survived living in NJ for 10 years. Bitches thought you could break me, whatever. All the real Jersey Girls, who were born here will just have to deal & accept it. Moving here was a harsh reality. I'm from upstate NY, Buffalo/Niagara Falls (REPRESENT!!!). I say talk not tawk, pop not soda, sucker not lollipop a whole slew of other words that are only part of the NJ English language. Consider where I grew up similar to the naivete of Rose Nailand's St. Olaf. NJ, not so much.

People are different here. People are more assertive, more direct. It was very scary for me. When I moved down here I did not realize that all the worst things & people that would ever enter my life would be here. I also didn't realize that all the best things & people that would part of my life would be here either. Funny how that happened.

You will meet "characters" of my life. Some will be named out right, some will go by the code names I have given them. Don't worry, I will give you a set list when they are involved.

I love NJ. For a long time I hated it but loved a few things about it. First, it's a state law that you don't pump your own gas. That's right. I have probably pumped my own gas 5 times or less in the last 10 years. Also, it's the Garden State. We have the BEST tomatoes & corn. Lastly, you can get divorced in NJ in one day. Same day divorce. Since the ex & I hashed out the division of everything, I prepared all the paperwork. Went to the Courthouse where a lovely clerk checked out my paperwork, told what I needed to add & gave me a date. We showed up, signed the papers, had them notarized & went up to the judge. It was done in 15 minutes. But as I said I love NJ. Most people (I am guilty of this) assume NJ is like Newark, extremely urban with lots of pavement & buildings. You couldn't be more wrong. It's lush & green with a lot of state land to hike & see wildlife. We have the shore. You go "down the shore". You don't go to the beach. It's beautiful. The sand is amazing. But please if you read this, don't go. There are already a lot of people & I don't want you to take away from me. TIA.

As I said NJ people are different. I'm learning it's different in a good way. They are more assertive & direct, but I like it. I'm getting like that. NJ has never left the 80's. True story. You will find more mall hair & leggings & long nails than anywhere else on the planet. It's like one big long Bon Jovi video!!!! You just accept it as it is.

I don't have a funny story today. I just wanted to get things going. I hope you all enjoy & I plan to do my best to keep you entertained. Please feel free to follow me & share with your friends.

Have a great Saturday!!!


Elizabeth