I'm still really happy. Never been happier, ever in my life. Work is great. It's really the best job ever. I love the Army. Probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. I could use more money, because I do struggle. I worry about the typical stuff, but I am happy. I'm also sorta "talking" with someone. I don't want to mention too much about it, I don't want to jinx it. But it's slow & we're taking things one day at a time. That whole "thing" makes me happy too, giddy and I giggle like an idiot whether he's around or not. I'm so silly!
Still not loving NJ. Probably will never fully love it. My "woo" as I call him, he doesn't like it here either. It seems those of us not from NJ, well we don't love it. It really is quite the shock to the system. Twelve years here and I still have yet to adjust to the manner in which NJ people
But on a different note, it's become a HUGE realization that I do not see myself as others do. I obviously have something that attracts people to me. In the last few months I have been hit on more than I can count on two hands. That's right. You read correctly me. Me. Hit on. I don't know if it's always been like that or if it's because in the last couple of months I've been so happy. I've rediscovered my self esteem and self confidence. I think a lot of that has to do with my job. I have become much more assertive. Again, having to do with work. I have the pleasure of working with about 45 assertive personalities daily. I think they've been rubbing of on me in a good way. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean I don't have insecure moments, but they happen much less often than they used to.
So it's gets me to thinking. How many of us don't see ourselves as others do? I suppose I really need to start seeing myself as everyone else does. I've also realized that all the best things in my life have happened in NJ. As well as all the worst things in my life. I do believe I was meant to be here in NJ, but I'm not so sure this is my forever place.
So maybe I should cut NJ some slack?? Is NJ not really the Garden State but the State of Checks and Balances? Is NJ a therapeutic state where you go to become completely broken only to rise like a phoenix from the ashes? I don't know. I don't have the answers to any of that. For those of us that are transplants here, we will never fully adapt. Well, I won't. I'm a rebel like that.
I probably will never say "I love NJ". I will say "there are things about NJ that I love" but there are also things I hate. Maybe I'm not so black & white about it anymore, I may have some gray areas. I will say that I've discovered a lot about me & the person I am & I am thankful for that, it's only taken 12 years to get here!!!
:)
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