Conversations at Wits End

So in the last week, I had 2 odd conversations. One was with my maintenance guy, who is nice, & one was with the cable guy, who was weird.

Last week I was doing laundry in the laundry room here at Wits End. I actually had my hair down, usually it's pulled into a ponytail because I typically do laundry after I go to the gym. I had actually showered because I was running errands as well. Anyway, he walked into the laundry room & this is how it went down:


MG(Maintenance Guy): Hi, did you do something different to your hair?
Me: I had it colored darker than what it was, it's a bit dark, I'm hoping it will fade.
MG: Oh, yeah, it is dark, I'd ask you if you're going for the Goth look, but your hair isn't straight & hanging in your face.
Me: Uh, no that isn't a look I'm trying to work.
MG: Good.

Nice. Mind you, I saw him 2 days before because he was in my apartment putting new thermostats in & my hair was done then.

Next one!!

I switched to a bundle pack in my cable, so I could save money, so they came to install my new phone. I was at the mercy of the cable company as I had to sit here between 8:30am & 12:30pm. I had tentative plans on seeing a friend, should the cable guy be there first thing, so I showered, got dressed (I put a real bra & jeans on) & I put makeup on.

Another thing you should know. I was paranoid. I watch way too many crime shows: Criminal Minds, CSI, Law & Order, America's Most Wanted, you name it. I just watched an episode of CSI where a pest guy raped a girl. Jay said I don't have to worry, I'm not a small girl & no one would bother me. I begged to differ because should a perpetrator have a firearm, I would be no match to that. Jay reminded me I had a 6lb weight bar I could swing, but I told him it wouldn't go well when I asked if I could go get my weight bar to defend myself.

Anyway, I was worried that my heart was going to be carved out of my chest. The perils of living alone. So here is this random & odd conversation:


CG(Cable Guy): I'm your neighbor, I live on Overlook.
Me: You rent from Carlton Village? (I was also wondering if he lives so close, why wasn't he here first thing.)
CG: Yes. Do you live alone?
Me: Yes.
CG: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
CG: Are you engaged?
Me: No.
CG: Are you going to get married?
Me: No.
CG: Is he going to ask you to marry him?
Me: No.
CG: Why not?
Me: Because he doesn't want to marry anyone.
CG: Oh, that's too bad. Do you have kids?
Me: No.
CG: How old are you?
Me: I'm going to be 35.
CG: For real?? I thought you were only 24!
Me: No, I'm older than I look, thanks.
CG: Is that your real eye color or are those contacts?
Me: It's my real eye color.
CG: Oh, it's nice.
Me: Thank you.
CG: Ok, this is how you set up your new phone.......

He found his professionalism then. Mind you, when this conversation was taking place, my heart was racing & all I could think was "This is it, my heart is going to be cut right out of my chest".

When he left I never ran down my stairs so fast to lock & put the chain on the door. There is an outer door that you can only get in with a key but still.....

And that would conclude some conversations held at Wits End.

:)

Crisis

No, I'm not in one. Trust me.

There aren't many people who have ever heard the story about my very first adventure into NYC. It was roughly 13 years ago. I went with the ex & his friend to see this band. I was told it was a good band. Apparently we all had different definitions of "good".

We went to see this band called Crisis. The lead singer's name is Karyn Crisis. Here is a picture of Karyn for your viewing pleasure:



Pretty girl. I didn't know how to feel. I'm in my little corner. This next picture it exactly how she looked when she came out:


If you can't really tell, those are some angel wings. Real feathers too. So, at this point, there is some music playing, no vocals yet. People are just in awe (or something) of her. I was fascinated by all of them & her. You just don't see shit like this in Lockport, NY.

I'm about to include a video, so you can get an idea of EXACTLY what I experienced that night. Be prepared. It was as if her "vocals", a term we will use very loosely here, were the command to start this mass of people slamming into one another. Maybe, just maybe, her "vocals" were causing seizures, but I'm not too sure about that. Consider yourself warned:



I honestly was not sure what to think. There was this sea of people slamming off of each other. People were jumping off the stage. I watched a guy stage dive & he landed on some girl & she was punching him to get off of her. When he stood up he pulled his fist back ready to fight. WTF?? I was no where near this swarm & I ended up getting pushed down on top of some guy. It wasn't good for either of us, in case you were wondering.

Needless to say I have never seen Crisis again, nor do I want to. One time was one time too many.

And that, was part of my first trip to NJ, first trip to NYC. Is anyone shocked I am still here or that I even came back???

Sleep Talking Jay

Poor Jay. I sure do write about him a lot. I don't write all the things I would like to, because some stuff just stays between Jay & I. It wouldn't be as special plus some of you might be jealous. You do have to know Jay is a good guy AND a good sport since I do write about his sleep talking!!

Last Monday night, I have no idea what Jay was dreaming about. I'm also starting to think I need to set up a video or audio recording device, just so he can hear what he says & does!!! So as I mentioned, I don't know what Jay was dreaming about. I just know he said "mmmm hmmmm" a few times & was giggling up a storm. It was pretty funny!

The next night, yes, sometimes Jay is pretty eventful more than one night in a row. I haven't been a sound sleeper lately, and can usually pin point when "things" are about to happen. Jay does this weird thing where his arm shoots into the air. Don't ask, I don't know why. Next thing I know he yells "yeah, sure it's almost done", puts his arm down & goes back to sleep. I can't explain it, but it is pretty funny.

I'm really glad that he doesn't get mad when I share these funny stories about him.

Here's to another addition of Sleep Talking Jay!!!

Nun Ship

I'm not sure many people even know this story. It's a pretty old one. I don't know why it popped into my head either. It's pretty funny.

Years ago, when I had my first apartment in NJ, my downstairs neighbor was getting married. We had become friends & had been hanging out. Her maid of honor was planning a girl's night out. I offered to be the designated driver that night.

So we get out to a local place near us & her friend starts chatting it up with some guys. She was looking for some "company". I was there purely to be entertained.

So as we are sitting there chatting, this drunk guy named Bill came up to me & asked why I wasn't drinking. I told him I was the designated driver & not drinking. He asked me what kind of person does that so I told him a person who was going into the Nun Ship doesn't drink & drive & that we were trying something new out. I told him there was a new program with the Nun Ship where we come out in civilian clothes, being designated drivers for women so they get home safe & sound. Before any one corrects me, yes, I know nuns go into convents. That's pretty funny you know. And I did make all this up as it was happening. I'm good like that!!

He told me with how I looked I didn't belong with the nuns. Apparently nuns aren't well endowed. Then he asked me why I had an engagement ring on. I told him that it stood for my impending marriage to God. He was believing every single word I said. So as the night went on he kept asking if I really wanted to commit my life to God, looking the way I did.

The funny part was this guy had a friend who was sober. He was a really nice guy & he totally knew I was bullshitting his friend. He laughed every time I made something up. He & I laughed pretty hard when it was time to go.

THAT my friends is a 100% true & authentic Elizabeth story. Take me with you to a bar one night, I will show you, in person how it's done!!!

:)

Tidbits...

I have a some things to share. I do have a Sleep Talking Jay entry. It isn't long enough to dedicate to whole blog post but I still have to share it. The other morning, it was early & the boy (my cat) was running around like a nut because he wanted breakfast. We live in a shoe box & or some reason he revs his engines & comes running from my dining area & streaks across the bed. As he ran over the bed & Jay, Jay sat up, put his hand out & said "Keep 'em coming". Why? I don't know, but it made me laugh out loud!!!!

I may have to start a new section called "Texts From Jay". I got one today, that, well, I just didn't understand. This is what I got: So I was in jail this morning, I had Rallo from The Cleveland Show as my cell mate and my bail was for 2 dozen chicken wings. WTF??? I read it 10 times & had no idea what he was talking about. Jay said this was his dream this morning, that he actually remembered!!! WOW!!! I'm starting to understand why Jay says some of the things he does in his sleep!!! Boy, does he make me laugh!!!

Now I have something sweet to share. My friend Heather & her BFF Carla (who is a friend in my head) have a wonderful website called Besties Photo a Day. It's a lovely way 2 best friends stay in touch through photos. It's more than just photos, you can feel their emotions - happy, sad, excitement, you name it. I'm hoping by my posting about it, it generates more traffic for them. They have monetized their blog with ads so they can save up for a plane ticket so they can visit each other. I'm hoping this helps them just a little bit. Please take the time to see how great these girls and their photos are. It is worth the time. Makes your heart feel warm.

:)

Sleep Talking Jay

So we have another installment of Sleep Talking Jay. This is from Sunday night.

I should say that when I met Jay, I was very attracted to his sense of humor & his wit. He's really funny when he's awake & that, apparently, continues when he's sleeping!! Sometimes, I wonder where it all comes from & I'm pretty sure it's not going to end!!

The other night, is the middle of the night, Jay was sleeping on his left side with his back to me. I'm not a very deep sleeper so I do hear sounds, Hailey itching herself or coughing or snoring. Things like that. It's also why I hear Jay. This is what I heard:

"Psssst, here kitty, come on, come here, pssst pssst, come on, come here".

He had his head lifted, he was patting the covers & moving his arm to get the cat to come to him. Now, my cat does sleep in the bed, but he sleeps snuggled up by me, so I'm not sure who Jay was calling.

He's so funny!!!

Neighbors

So, Baby Momma got evicted. It's too cold for the Conspiracy Theorist to be outside. So we have to talk about my downstairs neighbor, a guy I like to refer to as "The Rockstar".

First, let me explain that I live in a garden type apartment. There are 12 apartments in the building, 1 lower level & 1 upper level, numbered 1 - 6. Each of the 6 sets shares a main door that can only be opened with a key. Not all doors are keyed the same. I am thankful for that. I do not share a door with the Conspiracy Theorist, just with the Rockstar.

The Rockstar moved in just about a year ago. He works random hours & long ones at that. He has 2 rather large dogs. A chocolate lab weighing about 70lbs & a neopolitan mastiff weighing about 110lbs. When he first moved in, the dogs barked for 72 hours straight, non stop. Apparently they are trained to bark if someone goes near the door. Grrreeeaaatttttt. Today, they have been barking nonstop for over 3 hours. I have no idea why. They don't bark when the Rockstar is home. They don't bark (sometimes) when I leave my apartment, but the mastiff does bark & huff at the door when I walk Hailey. Asshole dog.

Some days I just can't deal with it, like today. I want to go down & scream at the dogs to STFU. But you can't rationalize with an animal, right?

Oh, and let me explain why I refer to my neighbor as "the Rockstar". That's because he plays guitar, with an amp, all the time. Well, when he's home. He doesn't play well, it's never a whole song, it's like white noise. Last week, he decided to play at 11:30pm, in his bedroom, with the amp on. His bedroom is directly below mine. Jay & I happened to be asleep. So much for that. Granted, I get that I don't have to get up for work, but Jay does. I actually went downstairs & knocked on his door to turn it down. He was shocked I could hear it. Really, asshole? I also pointed out that the week before, when he decided to play at 2am woke me up then. He was apologetic but still, how about some courtesy. Ironically, when he moved in, he told me he was a quiet neighbor......mmmm hmmm

Welcome to my life.